What is reality?
Bipolar Disorder is an illness that causes one’s reality to get warped and distorted. So much so that one begins to get confused about what reality is and is not. In a way, it’s like two people looking at a dark blue shirt. One may see dark blue, the other might see black. The lighting and angles plus distance can make it hard to determine what color it actually it is. So it is with the Disorder. The people you love become the people you hate. Wanting to live becomes wanting to die. Things you would never do under normal circumstance seem to be an extremely good idea.
So for the duration of my life, I went from an introverted kid to a manic-depressive teenager to an on my way to wellness adult. Now that I’m on a good medication cocktail and my mind is starting to level out.. I’m sort of at a loss. Everything I saw up to this point was through the veil and drape of depression. Everything I felt was tainted by the emptiness. Seeing the positivity in anything was an impossibility. Now it feels like I have to learn how exactly to interpret the world again. As if the last 30 years was my brain deceiving me to see the world in a way that wasn’t necessarily real.
On the flipside of the coin, I love to learn things. So learning how to view the world with a well mindset will give me something to think about as I work towards putting things back together. Though it is still irritating that I do have learn how to view the world and the people around me in a well mindstate. Oh well. No point in complaining. Don’t have a choice in the matter.
I think I’ve finally reached the age and point in life where I’m smart enough to realize I don’t know shit. S’about how it is.
Are you really sure that a ceiling can’t be a floor?
– MC Escher
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