So yeah, that’s me. My name is Kimberly McPherson and I am a type 1 rapid cycling Bipolar with OCD, PTSD, ADHD, and panic disorder. Yes, it may seem like I have been tagged with pretty much every label known to man but honestly it could be worse.
I was diagnosed at the age of 19 but like many others, I knew for a long time that something wasn’t quite right with me. At fist I tried to shove my diagnoses to the back of my mind and continue on with my life but as time passed I knew it was something I needed to take seriously.
Once I honestly harnessed my disorders I knew I couldn’t do it alone so I set out on a mission to find help. The first thing I needed to accomplish was finding a psychiatrist that fully understood what I was dealing with and wouldn’t just see me as a number. I was graced with an exceptional doctor that saw me as a person and not just a label. It took many tries but I finally found the perfect fit for me.
With the help of my doctor I came to the conclusion that I needed to be medicated in order for me to be a functioning member of society. I hated the thought that I needed to take medicine in order to fully survive but I knew that continuing to hurt myself wasn’t the answer.
You see, at the time of my diagnosis, I was a full fledged suicidal anorexic, bulimic, and self mutilator. I was told by many doctors that I probably wouldn’t live to see my 20th birthday. Boy, how I have proved them wrong. I reluctantly accepted help for my eating disorders and self mutilation and now I look back and thank God that I did.
Once I was medicated properly life started to make sense. The things I used to think and say were terrible. I would lash out at anyone and everyone. I truly didn’t mean any harm, I just didn’t understand why I hated myself so much. I now see the error of my ways. I was mistreated and misunderstood for the most part of my life. It took years of therapy for me to see that I didn’t have to look at myself the way I thought others did. I thought everyone hated me but in all honesty they just didn’t understand and wanted to help. The things people would say were things like “you’re too skinny” or “boy you’re touchy” and to me they sounded like “I hate you”. Now, I understand that it was my illnesses that made me think that way.
So, how do I deal with them now? Well, that’s a great question. The number one thing I must continue to do is take my medication as prescribed and at the same time every day. It seems like an incredible task just keeping up with all of it but once you get the hang of it the schedule gets easier and easier with passing time.
The second thing I must do is take care of myself. This includes taking vitamins (I take a multi vitamin for stress, vitamin D3, a B complex vitamin, a formulation of great minerals and vitamins called lights on from a company called Dynamaxx (this formulation has helped me to be able to get off most of my ADHD meds), and most importantly an awesome omega 3 vitamin). The omega 3’s I take are from the makers of Nordic Naturals called Ultimate Omega’s. I take 4 of these suckers a day. I found out about them through a Harvard study done on depression and honestly the mix of the Omegas with my medication has changed my outlook on things drastically. I can tell a huge difference between when I take them and when I don’t. If you or anyone you know has a mental illness I highly recommend adding these amazing vitamins to your health regimen.
On the same note of taking care of myself I also try to soak in at least 30 minutes of sunshine daily, get some exercise at least 3 times a week (walking, yoga, or riding my bike), and I try to do a meditation exercise daily. I found a great chakra realignment meditation video that takes about 10 minutes and it thoroughly changes my outlook every time I do it. I can feel the balancing act happen throughout the video. I also try and eat properly and if I can’t do that I drink Ensure to get in the proper nutrients that my body needs.
The third thing I try to do is stay connected to my creator. I am a firm believer in the power of God (I believe in the Holy Trinity, The Father, The Son (Jesus), and The Holy Spirit (that resides in you when you accept God into your life). It is such a simple thing to do yet it is life altering. John 3:16 states:
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” What this verse means is that if you believe that Jesus Christ was real and died on the cross for your sins, then you are saved and get a free ticket to heaven. Oh, and how glorious that day will be when I get to go to heaven. From what I understand there will be no pain, no torment, no disease, no mental illness, just peace and joy when you enter the gates of heaven. This gives me hope that all the suffering that I have been through will not be in vain and one day all of my suffering will vanish in the blink of an eye.
I’m not here to try to win anyone over I am simply stating what has helped me. I did not always believe in the power of God, it was something that I had to witness for myself. At first I mainly believed in Buddhist principles and thought that if I was to create good karma then that karma would come back around to me. I still believe in this however, now I am a believer in Jesus Christ. The only way I came to know this power was when I was once hospitalized for my panic disorder because I couldn’t stop having panic attacks, I was having about 30 a day.
During one of my bouts of panic I remembered what a friend once told me about saying “In the name of Jesus I command all evil to leave.” I cried out to God and screamed “in the name of Jesus I command all evil to leave”. It was in that moment that the panic vanished and great, comforting, white light filled my hospital room and filled me with peace. I was frightened at first but the beautiful white loving light made me feel a peace that I never felt before. It was strange because there were no windows in that hospital room for light to enter so I know for a fact that it was the grace of God that banished the demons from my sight and saved me from my panic.
Ever since the moment that God banished these demons I have been a believer. I am not saying that I do not struggle, I’m not saying that at all. I still struggle every day to keep sane and at peace but with the help of God I have been able to tackle the most evil thoughts you could ever imagine. Through prayer, meditation, and constant research in the Holy Scripture I have been able to move mountains. This instance was the first of many to come but it was the one that won me over.
So there you have it, the short story of me, my struggles and how I have been able to deal with them. I hope that this story helps you in some way and I encourage you to ask as many questions as possible. I will do my best to answer them and if I can’t answer them I will find someone who can. So, go ahead comment as much as you like and I will be here to assist in any way possible.
Much love and abundant blessings to you all,