Hello, friends. Been awhile, hasn’t it? My last couple of posts over the past few months have been kind of vague, sort of updates, sort of not. I’ve been doing a lot of introspection on my direction and trajectory, what I want to and can accomplish, as well as life. Blog posting kind of fell by the wayside in all of that. I’ve still been doing what I normally do, answer emails and comments, quietly and behind the scenes, as many of you who have reached out to me in the past know.
I figured I would talk to you all about some of my thoughts, ideas, and concerns; as a way to provide a meaningful update, feedback, and a glimpse into the consideration I put into my work.
On Books and eBooks…
About two years ago, I made the decision to write eBooks, and so far wrote two, what I felt to be fairly digestible works. In trying to write a third, I hit a point where it felt so flimsy. I’ve been blogging about and commenting on Bipolar Disorder for over five years now – blog posts, comments, numerous conversations, thousands of emails, and it all just feels flimsy. There are literally trillions of webpages out there. I don’t want to produce something that can disappear in an instant.
It took awhile for me to figure out I was wrong, that the people urging me to just write regular books and offer electronic versions was a better plan. And so that’s what I’m going to shift my writing toward. I already have two strong ideas that will be an excellent start. I’m still not keen on the idea of writing a full-blown memoir though, which several people have asked about. I honestly don’t feel like they are all that helpful, but I wonder if that has something to do with autistic disconnect?
I’ve tried reading a few, and I just don’t feel like I venture forth onto that person’s emotional journey with them. So, I don’t know.
On the Podcast…
I had teased the idea for a podcast in the past couple of posts. I ran into a lot of problems, both technical and within myself, in trying to figure out how to approach it. The first issue is that I’m a much better writer than speaker, and not in the way that most people think. Being High-Functioning Autistic, speech can be difficult with emotions involved, which is going to be a thing in speaking about my mental illness. It’s easier in a one-on-one format. Much more intimidating with the consideration of how many people will hear it.
The second is in general perception. I often wonder what impression my audience actually does have of me? Because usually, the only thing I hear are criticisms about how angry my writing sounds. In reality, I’m not an angry person at all in my personal life. I channel passion, and yes, anger, into my work because I am angry at the general state of the world. Will people who follow my writing expect me to rant and rave? Will they be disappointed or disillusioned if I don’t? Will I alienate or let down people who have read and supported my efforts for years? Again, I really don’t know.
The closest niche I sit in is self-improvement, the whole coaching/consulting world. And that world is filled with fake smiles, shallow affirmations, and people trying to peddle happiness like it’s some tangible product on a shelf. I don’t have the energy or patience for fake smiles. I don’t know if everything is going to be alright – plenty of times it won’t be. And I have no happiness to sell you or anyone else. It took me decades to find any kind of real happiness within myself. It’s not something you can promise anyone else.
Anyway, I don’t want to keep you too long. I apologize for the lack of meaningful, public facing content the past few months. I’ve been heavily distracted with life and trying to figure out my path. I’m still here and in it for the long haul, just trying to figure things out. Feel free to let me know if you have any thoughts or opinions. Thank you for being here and for following my work. I appreciate you.